Ups and Downs

I'm going to post section by section descriptions of my hike but I wanted to share some thoughts about the trip as a whole first.

Now that I'm back, lots of people want to know how it went.  I'm never quite sure how to respond to this because my feelings about the trip are pretty mixed.  But maybe that's apt considering how I felt day after day on the trail.  There were aspects of the trip that I loved and there were things that I hated.  Like really hated.  Not many people talk about that or share the negative feelings about the trail. Maybe because they don't want to admit their weaknesses or maybe because they're better at seeing the positive in things than I am.  But whatever, I'm gonna let it all out, warts and all.

Anyway, I think it needs to be said here, at the beginning of the post, that I didn't make it all the way across Oregon.  I made it halfway.  I did 210 miles of the 430 I had planned on doing.  I ended my trip early because I sprained my right ankle twice on two consecutive days.  More on that later.  Right now, I'd like to summarize the trip generally before I get into the specifics.

My feelings about my hike pretty much mirror my daily attitude, which was a bit of a rollercoaster, honestly.  Every day, I'd wake up at about 5:30.  I'd pack up camp and then eat breakfast.  After a final look around to make sure I didn't leave anything behind, I'd head out - usually around 7:00.  This was the best part of the day and my spirit always soared in the morning.  I LOVED being on the trail and walking.  I LOVED that feeling of walking across the landscape, being my own machine, and crossing distances.  This is what I was really looking forward to and the hike did not disappoint.

This feeling would last until about 3 or 3:30 and then I would BONK.  Despite snacking throughout the day and taking rest breaks, I would lose all energy and motivation in the late afternoon.  That's when the bad thoughts crept in.  The "maybe I don't really want to do this" thoughts.  Luckily I recognized the pattern and starting implementing a long rest break in the afternoon.  Really long - like 1 1/2 to 2 hours.  I'd sit down, make dinner, and relax because I really needed to.  My other breaks during the day were generally pretty short.  When you're trying to cross a big distance on foot in a limited amount of time, there's this urgency to keep going, to get in just a few more miles.  So my breaks were never all that relaxing.  On top of that, it seemed there was always something that required my attention. Filtering water, studying the map, organizing something.  But, more than anything, there was always that feeling that I needed to get back on my feet and go, so the breaks were generally too short.  The long afternoon break became my salvation from bad thoughts and an overworked body.  I felt better afterwards, more positive and I was generally able to get back on my feet and go on for another couple of hours.

That was pretty much how I felt every single day I was on the trail.  Like I was on this emotional rollercoaster where I hit my high early on and then rode a long descent down to a low for 8 hours, followed by a brief high again.  At night, as I lay in my sleeping bag desperately wishing the cramps in my legs would finally go away, I'd feel the bad thoughts coming again.  The quitting thoughts.  And then I'd sleep and then get up and do it all over again.

So yeah, lots of up and downs. But overall, the trip was pretty amazing.  For me, the greatest feeling was to spy in the distance, some far off peak and then by the end of the day, be standing next to it.  And then the next day look back on it. I also learned a lot about myself, some of which really surprised me.  Despite the fact that I didn't go as far as I wanted, I did succeed in capturing the feeling of having moved myself a long ways and that's pretty good, really.